god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
