That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
