so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't turn off my feet"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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