I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
