"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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