Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
