I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
