Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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