Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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