Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Green mimosas i think yes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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