I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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