I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
