I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
