I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
