Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
