how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
