Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
