So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
