JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
