just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just fell off a train. Bad.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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