What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
