omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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