i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
