did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think i have herpe
just one?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
