we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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