ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
