don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
