I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
