Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
