Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
