She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
