Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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