Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
