i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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