where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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