I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
