The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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