grandma shit on top of the toilet
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
