You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
