bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
