so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
