Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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