If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
