No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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