Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
