i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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