i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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