Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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