spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
