Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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