Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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