Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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