Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
