Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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