hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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