So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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