I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We're too hungover to prance.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
