One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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