if you like me you must not know who I am
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
