Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to wash the frat house off of me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
