You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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