You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize