I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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