Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
