She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
