I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
