I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
