i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
