I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
