he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
