You're completely useless in the revolution.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
