drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize