you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
