Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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