let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
