I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
