I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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