i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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