He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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