His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
