You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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