I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
