Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
