We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
