with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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