so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize