I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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