in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
