fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
