i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
