If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
